Monday, October 04, 2010

The Happy Side of Tears

There have only been a few times (that clearly stand out) that I have cried from sheer happiness and joy. It is a completely different feeling than crying from sadness. When crying from sadness, my body quivers/shakes, I whimper, I usually have heartache. However, when overjoyed to the extend that I come to tears, well, let's just say that ecstasy consumes me and washes over me at the specific moment. Almost like you've experienced so much pleasure, the only release there is, is crying.

#1: The moment I heard Malcolm's heartbeat. I was 10 weeks pregnant and Mr. J was unable to come to the appointment. It was my first real pre-natal appointment and I really didn't know what to expect. I surely wasn't expecting the Dr. to check for the baby's heartbeat. Because it was still fairly early, she warned me that we probably wouldn't hear it. After a couple of minutes of her sliding the fetal doppler over my belly, we heard the heartbeat loud and clear and strong. I instantly became overwhelmed with emotion and began to cry. Still, after this long, I get emotional when I speak of it.

#2: October 23, 2009, the birth of our son, Master K. Upon seeing my son for the 1st time, I was completely taken over by happiness and awesomeness. To finally see, in the flesh, this perfect little person Mr. J and I had created, the little person we had waited so long to meet, it was beyond my imagination; beyond words.

#3: October 3, 2010, Master K looked at me and said 'Mama' as clear as can be. I welled up with tears and hugged him tight. I can't even begin to explain my feelings.

I'm sure I will have many more happy tears in years to come. Sadly, I will likely have sad tears when it comes to Master K. I can only imagine how I will feel when he goes to the dayhome in a few weeks, when he starts kindergarten, says his first mean word to me or leaves home a grown man.

One day at a time. Enjoying every moment happy or sad.

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